Maiden experience

I have another first for me, getting a household helper aka maid or servant.

We decided to start employing one now to give us some buffer time to get to know the person, and for her to get to know her duties, before our little one is born. She just came last night and started working full time today.

Employing a living-in helper is giving me some kind of dilemma.

You see, I was raised in a Chinese family in Central Java where the helpers behaved and were treated like a second-class family members. Given different foods, should sit on the floor and never on the chair, small rooms and toilet, and all sort of differentiating treatment. Living in another country, meeting all kind of people with different races, and doing everything on my own taught me something about equality of people, about treating others as how I want to be treated myself. I am trying to re-wash my brain with these values, but somehow, I was also reluctant to do that. Maybe the old values have penetrated deeper than I thought along my younger years.

Hubby has almost the same feelings as me. He was more fortunate to be born in a more liberal family that treated their helpers better. Some differentiating factors still exist, like sitting on their own chairs, but the helpers are treated more as a human being and a friend.

Problems aroused when my mom called and give her judgments in what I told her about my maiden experience. Asking the girl to rest was too much lenient. Servants were strong enough to work around the clock, and I should not be too kind. Sharing food was a no-no. Why didn’t I buy something cheaper for her to eat? And et cetera.

No, my mom was not cruel. She acted based on the values that were planted by her mom and her grandmother all her life. She thought if she did any different, it could lead her to a failure in employing. The servant could be lazy or they could start stealing if the employer was too kind.

I am still learning on my own about how to treat my helper. As an adult (and a mom-to-be), I need to be able to decide on how should I treat my employee. Should not put too much pressure on myself, huh? I mean, sooner or later, I’ll learn, I’ll define my own set of values, and I’ll be the employer my heart allows me to be.