on the road

We're on our way back from Semarang now. Somewhere in Tegal. Jove just moved to the other car to be with grandma, so I'm free to try this.

busted!

on having children

I currently re-read Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom. If you have not read it, go and find one. It's a good book about life's greatest lesson. Anyway, I stumbled upon this today:

"Whenever people ask me about having children or not having children, I never tell them what to do," Morrie said now, looking at a photo of his oldest son. "I simply say, 'There is no experience like having children.' That's all. There is no substitute for it. You cannot do it with a friend. You cannot do it with a lover. If you want the experience of having complete responsibility for another human being, and to learn how to love and bond in the deepest way, then you should have children."

From chapter: The Fifth Tuesday - We Talk About Family

The first time I read this book was long ago in my university days, I was not a parent yet. Now that I am one, I am touched in a new way by this chapter on family.

Being parent is indeed a special experience. Morrie put it fittingly in those lines.

on children

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts.
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.

- From The Prophet by Khalil Gibran

learning from a child

It's about three thirty in the afternoon. I brought Jove out to play on the grass in front of the house. We spent a considerably long time examining the rough texture of the grass (a little bit dry because of the hot afternoon sun, I supposed) and the warmth of the stone slabs.

I followed Jove's lead on what to do. We walked on the ticklish grass barefooted, we hopped from stone to stone, we sat down and pulled out some weeds that grew among the grasses, Jove pulled some grasses. The sky was blue, some birds flew above us. The soft breeze caressed our hair lovingly. I could be laying down in a field of green grass with colorful wild flowers and feel as happy as I was this afternoon.

One secret of happiness that I learned from Jovan is as simple as living every second of your day to the fullest. Well, I don't feel happy all the time and I may not remember this secret at all times, but for half an hour this afternoon, I was truly happy.

I did have some thoughts on what the neighbors would say looking at a mother and her son looking intently at grasses and stones while smiling cheerfully at each other. Err, well, that's another secret of happiness that the children possessed: do not care about what other people will think of you. Just enjoy what you do (and what you have) at the moment and be happy. That works for me this afternoon.

so it has been two years

With Jove around, time flies faster. I did not realize it has been two years since we got married.

The first year was a very bumpy ride with lots of uncertainty coupled with anxiety of having a baby. We knew someone else has joined us in the journey on the twenty second day of our marriage. Big surprise indeed! Thus, we had a three-month old Jovan on the day of our first anniversary.

The second year was not that bumpy and we had lots of fun watching Jovan grew (and playing with him too). God has blessed us with so many things that we did not even think we deserved. We secured our first brick and mortar home today. It's a divine intervention that the date of the certificate fell on the same day as our second anniversary. A best friend of mine always reminded me of this verse whenever I felt insecure for the future: God makes all things beautiful in His time.

Indeed He does.

babble bubble

(u)dah, mama, papa, bapak, mbak, bu, mau, yuk, nggak, ya, hloo, no, car, truck, bus, tank, (ru)mah, (i)tu, (i)ni, (thank) you, ama, xie xie, (helicop)ter, (nya)muk, kena, enak, suka, (can)tik, (je)lek, star, bubble, (wa)ter, main, down, up, fly, sky, buah, nenen, (sam)pah, hiiii, idih, aduh, (sa)kit, (ko)dok, bebek, duck, cow, lucu, buka, pok pok (horse), mamam

I might have missed several words, but those words are roughly his vocabulary now. He learned to say 80% of them in the last two months. He really shows God's amazing work in him. I am constantly amazed at the rate he learned things, the way he mastered the language, remember songs, do new things... Whew. Being a parent is the greatest blessing ever... and with a great blessing comes a great responsibility.

After dinner tonight, Jove saw kueh ku (the red turtle-like Chinese snack, made of ketan, with green bean filling) on the table and said he wanted it. He took the package, gave it to me, asked me to open it, then he sat down politely on the floor. After he finished, he actually got up, took the plastic package (now empty), toddled to the rubbish bin, and put the thing nicely into the bin without any prompting from anyone. I just watched him doing that and filled with pride, joy, and gratitude.

After that, I went around the house announcing the great deed he just did to everyone. Haha.

on his own

Jovan stopped walking on his own after he fell down a few weeks ago. Before that, he managed to walk a few steps forward for two days. He finally had the courage to walk on his own again on August 21st, in the afternoon. That day, he walked in straight lines for a few metres. The next day, he managed to turn right and left and even turn around without toppling down. I guess he really waited until he was sure he could walk before trying walking on his own.

Today he has covered the whole house and the front yard. He loves to walk to the water dispenser when he thinks that nobody notice (of course somebody is always keeping an eye on him). He likes to stand on the base of the standing fan, holding on the pole, and switching the fan on and off. He has tried to open almost every cupboard that he could get his hand into, climbing up and down the chair, and running out from the house when the front door was open. We got busier with him around now.

Last Friday, Jove asked for 'more' when he has finished his bowl of rice. And today is the first time he asked for his dinner! Maybe he was hungry and he asked me to feed him. Usually he asked for breastmilk, so it was a nice surprise that he could do that.

Goodness, I'm not really prepared for all these new developments of him. They happened in such a short time. Every single day he learned some new things or some new words and most of the times that happened my heart bursts with joy. :)

The picture above was taken this afternoon when we let him play on the grass again. Grandma put the flowers and asked him to pray, my sister took the picture. Parents should be thankful for digital cameras. I could not imagine how much money we would spent on films to take perfect (not blurred) pictures of the constantly-moving kid.

another trip to semarang

We had another trip to Semarang and Salatiga by bus. Jove was pretty cranky on the bus this time because he had a mild cold. In fact, the whole family except dad (two grandparents, three aunts, Jove, and me) caught the bug a few days before the trip. After the trip, everybody's health got worse, except Jovan (thankfully).

We departed on Thursday night, shortly after ten. I spent the whole night trying to sleep while cradling Jovan to sleep. He woke up several times and night and continuously asked for breastmilk. Both of my milk-tanks went dry by the time we reached Semarang at about one on Friday afternoon.

Jove was excited looking at his great-grandfather on the bus ride to Salatiga from Semarang and he got busy playing with great-grandpa's cane. Grandma was sleeping when we arrived, and when she woke up a few hours later, Jovan was sleeping. It happened the two times we went there, so Jovan didn't get to meet his great-grandma properly.

Saturday evening, hubby, Jovan, and I accompanied my grandpa back to Semarang in his car (with a driver). On the way, I thought a lot about my dear cousin, Rika, and whole day we've spent together in May. Miss you a lot, cousin dear! This trip will be more fun with you around. :)

Sunday morning, we headed back to Jakarta. Grandpa did not allow us to go back and made us stay for another two hours. We stopped to have lunch at a restaurant near the sea in Indramayu and look at how happy Jovan was! He was fascinated with the strong sea breeze and the waves. He kept on laughing while holding his hands up, trying to catch the wind. The water was brown and muddy and the scenery was not beautiful at all, but all he saw was the blue blue sky, the fresh breeze, and the sunny Saturday afternoon.


Grandpa introduced Jovan to the wet sand. It was not white nor clean, but Jovan and grandpa ignored those facts. He enjoyed the new texture of the wet sand and he was quite amazed when the waves licked his toes.


Children. Let them remind us of the simple beauty of this earth.

boys will be boys

Jove's pose when watching soccer or car race on TV. He can sit still and watch quietly for several minutes longer than if he watches or does anything else.

His favorite toys are cars, trucks, buldozers, helicopters, airplanes, ... you get the idea. And he has shown this keen interest on those things since he was about six months old! By twelve months, before he could walk, he could differentiate car, truck, and bus on the road. He'll say tar, tak, and bas (all rhymes with car) while pointing at correctly said vehicle.

I've read in some books that a child liked his/her gender related toys (boys like cars, and girls like dolls) just because the parents exposed him/her to those toys more. But I don't agree. I did gave Jovan some of my old dolls to play, showed him flowers and other girly things, but he didn't seem to be interested.

play grass

Grandpa put Jovan on the green grass one Saturday afternoon. Jove loves it! He would touch the grass, the dirts of the earth, and he would not be picked up by anyone.

zombie day

I didn't sleep a wink last night. Getting excited doing things for the new project and suddenly the dawn has come before I realized it. And as you can guess, I was half dead at half past seven in the morning when Jove woke up.

By the kindness of my sister and her boyfriend, I could catch a few hours of sleep in the afternoon. And the highlight of the day came after that. I got a call from a dear old friend in Melbourne! (Miss you heaps too, Fel.) She is a talented jewellery designer and you can check her design in her online shop, Flou.

unspoken love

I uploaded the pictures from last May's trip to Singapore, Semarang and Salatiga in the web albums (link at the sidebar).

A few weeks after that trip, I found out something that made my eyes watery from my mom and sisters.

Whenever we stayed in our grandparents' house in Semarang, my father, husband, son, and I usually slept in the guest's room (which was my childhood bedroom). Mom and my two sisters would be sleeping with grandma, and my youngest sister will sleep in a spare bed in grandpa's room. Grandpa sleeps in the room connected to grandma's room. They have slept in separate rooms for about 10 years, I guess.

Anyway, grandpa is a stern person and his relationship with grandma was not romantic or sweet... in short, I could not see them as a couple that could fall in love and got married in the first place. At one time, I knew that grandpa and grandma stopped talking to each other for some months (or maybe years).

And one day while my mom, sisters, and I were chatting about them, I found out that every night after everyone was asleep, grandpa would walk over to grandma's room to check on everybody. He would go to each bed and straighten the blanket, check the airconditioning, then went back to sleep.

Now that my grandma stays in another town, mom wondered how grandpa must have felt when he woke up in the middle of the night and checked the other room.

But I thanked God I had the chance to know this sweet habit of him, checking on grandma every night. That's how grandpa expressed his love.

Miss them so much. Hope we can have another trip there in the middle of this month.

as he walks

Jovan started to walk on his own yesterday. He is pretty careful in his learning to walk. Mom said that all of her four daughters (me and my sisters) were daring enough to walk/run from one point to another when we were still unable to walk properly. Jove actually took his sweet time to master his steps and refused to practice walking on his own previously.

Yesterday night, at my in-law's, I witnessed my little cherub walking into the room, all on his own, from the door where his father was standing. With a wide, big, cheerful smile on his face, he toddled into my embrace, on his own, not holding on anything or anyone.

Boy, I couldn't even describe how my feelings were at that point. Happy, excited, proud, yet I felt some sort of fleeting sadness. Soon, he will let go of my hand (and refused to be held) when he walks and runs in this big big world.

Do you, mothers, feel the same?

one sunny sunday

We were invited to swim in one aunt's condominium one Sunday morning. Jovan had a lot of fun with one great aunt, three aunts, one uncle, two cousins (and their two babysitters), daddy, mommy, cold clear water, bowls of spaghetti, slices of yummy bread, sweet ice cocktail, and a basketful of peanuts.

Actually posted on 31/07/07

ONE year old celebration

If we were to have three sons... it would take ages to have a proper family picture. Hee hee. All of them just could not sit still.

Serpong, Tangerang - 1 July 2007

happy birthday Jovan

I woke up at about 2 a.m. because of the mosquitos. Found (and killed) six in the room (Yikes!).

Exactly one year ago, I was being stitched while Jovan was kicking and crying a few meters away. Hubby was busy snapping pictures and admiring his new son. The first year seemed to pass faster than the first month. Jovan is a year old already!

I took the camera and snapped this pic.


After one year, I can only vaguely remember the labor pain, but I vividly remember the euphoric joy that little boy brought. We named him Jovan Octavio, roughly means a delightful abiding place of God. His initials would be J.O.Y. and that was what we would like him to bring constantly in his heart.

I feel honored to be trusted with a soul to tend, feel blessed to be given such a cheerful boy, and... well, my vocabulary is really limited to express what I feel but I'm sure you, mothers out there, know what I mean. I'm also excited imagining the years to come. :)

Meanwhile, I take it as an achievement that I can be a mom for a year and my son is still alive, kicking, healthy, and happy. Hehehe. :) I guess, as a friend said, the first birthday is more for the parents to celebrate their [successful] first year as parents. :)

P.S. For comparison, this was one year ago. Taken when I let my very sleepy hubby (who's going to work in a while) took a short nap on my hospital bed at about 5 a.m. It would be really nice if he were the one who actually gave birth, wouldn't it?

morning walk

One of our morning ritual whenever we stayed in my parents' house (and the weather permits) is a walk together around the housing complex. Jove will either be in my arms, in the stroller, or like today, in his tricycle.

I love the warmth of the morning sun, the golden hues of the rays on the green leaves and grasses, the chirping of the birds, the cool morning air, and the excitement in Jove's face.

Thank God for the mornings.

we're back

Long time no post. We went for a five-day visit to Singapore in the beginning of May and spent last long weekend on a bus trip to Semarang and Salatiga.

Will post about those two trips when I find the time. Meanwhile, for a quick update, Jove started clapping today.

still with cold

Boo hoo. Jove still suffer from cold and no sign of getting better. He's still cheerful, playful, and active as usual... but his nose is often blocked when he sleeps. We are hoping (and praying) hard that he will be fully recovered this week as we will fly to Singapore next week.

Hubby is currently on a business trip to China and I stayed with mom and sisters. Jove loves it here, being adored by so many women everyday. Hee hee.

sweet recovery

Three of us are just recovered from cold. Yay.

Husband and I had cold since Good Friday. The packed weekend made us worse and little Jove caught the bug on Tuesday. Thanks to his good immune system, his cold was mild and he was recovered on Wednesday night. But these two days and nights have been tough for us. Jove is also teething at the moment (I suspected major teething involving more than two teeth), and the cold made him uncomfortable sleeping. So he woke up often during the night and twice he cried loudly for five minutes, both of us tried everything to calm him to no avail. During the day, he wouldn't sleep lying down, even after being bribed with yummy breastmilk. He only slept in the sling with me singing and swaying around. Even after he was fast asleep in the sling, he would wake up if I put him down. *sigh* I finally gave in and let him sleep as much as he wanted in the sling while I did my stuff.

Jove is also extremely clingy when he is teething. I'm looking forward for brighter tomorrow...

nine month development

Jove changed so fast these past two weeks. He managed to sit by himself one or two days before he turned nine months, now he's already an expert. Pulling himself up to standing position and crawling are also his expertise now. I can not let him out of sight in his awake moments. He wants to go everywhere and touch everything.

Now he looks and pays more attention to the direction or object I point at. He is fascinated by animals, especially fish. He can tell us if he want something by moving his whole body towards the thing and saying uh-uh-uh... and crying loudly if we move away from the wanted thing. He loves to open the freezer and touch the cold ice inside it. He likes to walk in the baby walker and play with the tricycle. The only time he wants to stay still in his stroller is when we walk him outdoor.

He has three teeth now. Two front lower teeth and one front upper tooth. The other one of the front upper teeth is coming out, two weeks after its twin. My mom said the two usually came out together. I've noticed that the upper gum at the sides of the front teeth is swollen, maybe some major teething is coming. The lil guy is usually cranky in his teething period, my cousin said it could be due to the size of his teeth, which is big.

Umm, what else? Oh, it's somehow difficult for him to fall asleep nowadays. A few months ago, I could plop him on the bed with a bolster and a pacifier and he would sleep. As easy as that. Now, he wants to be breastfed or rocked in the sling to sleep. It takes hours too to make him sleep at night. *sigh*

About two weeks ago, I noticed that he covered his face with a blanket. I said peek-a-BOO! He pulled the blanket off his face and smiled. Since then, he enjoys playing peek-a-boo with anyone. Nice surprise for all of us. :)

Happy Easter

Husband and I are having cold throughout the Easter weekend (until now). After successfully deflecting the cold virus for the last few days, Jove is beginning to experience blocked nose this morning. I hope he would not get a full blown cold like us. I read somewhere that breastfed babies have a high immune system, even if they catch cold, they will have a mild one. Let's just hope so.

This Easter, I understand slightly more about the Love that made Him died on the cross. Being a mother has taught me a lot about sacrificing oneself for love. Started with the pregnancy, my freedom was diminishing with the increasing tummy size. Then there was always the labor pain and the sleepless nights that follows. Myself does not come first anymore, now Jove is always on top of my priority list. This process of having and loving my son has made me realise the importance of sacrifice in loving.

Mother Teresa said 'give till it hurts'. If we give something that does not have any value for us, it wouldn't hurt. It would even be easy. The act of loving requires us to give something valuable for us, something that needs some effort to be given.

I wonder a lot of times why God created human in such a way that our human nature made it difficult for us to follow His teachings. We are selfish and He calls us to be selfless. We want to be rich yet He says blessed are the poor. We hate our enemies but He demands us to love them.

Maybe this has something to do with loving Him. Going against our human nature is difficult, maybe it could be a form of sacrifice to show our love.

Happy Easter!

toddle toddle toddle

Aaah, finally finding time to write again! This last week has been hectic. Jove and the parents are entering a new phase as he manages to scoot around the bed easily, grab things, and stand up on his own (while holding on something). I have to watch him really close now. Within the week he has bumped his head hard against the furniture twice, cried hard, and had a swollen bump near his left eyebrow for two days. I, of course, got a long scolding from his grandmother.


Anyway, we went for his measles vaccination last week. The pediatrician announced him to be healthy. Thank God, that's what matter the most. :) He is 9.9kg now. Actually we expected him to exceed 10kg as he was 9.5kg three months ago on his six-month check up. But the pediatrician said that the increase was normal at this age, we would not want him to be a giant, would we?

Jove's nap schedule is also changing now. He is able to stay awake longer and requires only two naps a day, usually he needed three. Still very difficult to fall asleep at night, though. The father has tried to tire him phisically when he came home from work and I've tried to do boring things nearing his bedtime to no avail. After a few minutes latching sleepily on the breast, he would wake up and roam the bed, play with this and that, stand up, then get cranky. I would latch him to the breast again, pat him, and hoping for him to sleep, only to have him wake up and repeat the routine for two or three more times before finally fall asleep.

I could not believe only nine months have passed since I gave birth, Jovan seemed to grow so fast from tiny newborn to chubby baby to active roaming child. Yet I feel that this nine months have passed so swiftly I haven't had time to really sit down and enjoy all the moments.

I'm full of excitement right now, thinking that in a few months time my baby will start walking and talking and I would spend my waking moments chasing him and answering his questions... uh oh... will I have the energy to do all that?

Being a mom is opening your life to paradoxical milestones. Something that excites you can also be something that you dread. You can be happy and sad at the same time. Every milestone that your child achieves will feel your heart with pride and anguish. You're getting nearer to your goal of raising your child to be a person, yet that would mean you're getting nearer to the time your child moves out from your home.

...

Oops, I think I've been too sentimental writing all this. Ha ha. Come on, Jovan is only 9 months old and I'm thinking of him moving out of the house?

Blame it on the mommy hormones.

blue blue sky

Glorious Sunday morning! The three of us went for a morning walk and enjoyed it immensely.


So the disciples went and did as Jesus had told them. They brought the donkey and the colt, then they laid their cloaks on their backs and he took his seat on them. Great crowds of people spread their cloaks on the road while others were cutting branches from the trees and spreading them in his path. The crowds who went in front of him and those who followed were all shouting:

Hosanna to the son of David!
Blessed is he who is coming in the name of the Lord!
Hosanna in the highest heavens!

Matt. 21:6-9

jovan - 9 months

Jove grew so much hair in the last month.


I can even style his hair.


Afro. :)


Okay, this was my attempt to see Jove with hair. Ha ha.


Anyway, hubby smsed me in the morning, "Today Jove is 1.5 years old." I replied that he made a mistake in typing.

Hubby said that Jove has been with us for 1.5 years. 9 months in the womb, 9 months outside.



Definitely the best 1.5 years in our life.

mama, mama, mama

He had said it pretty often in these three days as an attempt to call for help.

:D

in sickness and in health

I spent the whole day with my in-laws today and leaving Jove with mom. Dad-in-law had a stent procedure this afternoon. I kept mom-in-law company while he was inside the angioplasty room.

Three of us spent the day chatting in the ICCU (Intensive Cardiac Care Unit), something I've never done before. I mean, this time it was only me with them, no one else around. All of their children and the only son-in-law were working, I was the only person not working. It was good being with them. I got to know a lot of interesting stories from their youth, especially their love story.

I brought a thermos with ice packs and a bottle for pumping. Easily granted permission to pump in one of the unused obsevation room. I used marmet technique for manual expression. No hassle of bringing pump. :)

When dad was brought into the angioplasty room, mom and I waited (and prayed) in the waiting room. Everything was going on great. We were called to watched the video of the procedure and listened the explanation from the doctor. Of course, dad has to watch his diet more strictly now, but he can continue his daily activities as usual.

And so does hubby. Chubby hubby was ordered to check his cholesterol level first thing in the morning tomorrow.

When I got home, Jove cried and asked for feeding straightaway. He latched for hours. A payback for the missed feedings, I guess.

another teething

Jove has been restless for two days now. Very difficult to get him to sleep and he started biting me while feeding again. I suspect that the upper front teeth are coming out. Poor baby.

on death

I received a call from an old friend of mine yesterday. Her mother had died, she told me, crying.

She is my primary school friend and we used to go to each other house. Our friendship deepened in junior high then we parted. We went to different senior high school, then to different countries. We met again when she moved back to Indonesia. I brought my husband and my baby in the womb visiting a pretty, smart, and confident young woman. We met her mom too. Her mom was as pretty as I always remembered her, but she looked frail. Cancer has eaten up her body.

I met them again a month after my baby was born. My friend visited me twice. Then I didn't hear anything from her again till yesterday. Her mother has died the day before and was buried in the morning. She said she was relieved that her mom was now free of pain and suffering, but she still found it hard to accept the loss.

Death always hit the ones left behind. We are left with one empty gaping hole in our lives... Our only comfort is that God has a better place and that we will be united with the person again one day.

Meanwhile, I can only pray that my friend will have enough strength to accept the hard reality. God bless her.

glorious morning

The cool wind was blowing hard this morning. The sun shone brightly and spread its golden ray all over the blue blue sky. Glorious indeed. I took Jove for a nice walk.

Thank God for the morning.

Mt 7:7-12

Jesus said to his disciples:
“Ask and it will be given to you;
seek and you will find;
knock and the door will be opened to you.

For everyone who asks, receives; and the one who seeks, finds;
and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

Which one of you would hand his son a stone
when he asked for a loaf of bread,
or a snake when he asked for a fish?

If you then, who are wicked,
know how to give good gifts to your children,
how much more will your heavenly Father give good things
to those who ask him.

“Do to others whatever you would have them do to you.
This is the law and the prophets.”

eight months

I did not realized that two days ago, Jove turned 8 months old. Only eight months have passed since he came out, yet I feel I've loved him forever.

He has two lower teeth, a sweet sweet smile, and super loud cry the instant he wants something. He is more of a toddler than a baby now.

His crib has been turned into a playpen now. Looking at him sitting inside it, playing by himself, made me feel somewhat happy and also sad. Hmm, must get used to this mommy feeling and just be grateful for this wonderful miracle God has planted in my care.

prayer

Why, O Lord, is it so hard for me
to keep my heart directed toward you?
Why does my mind wander off in so many directions,
and why does my heart desire
the things that lead me astray?
Let me sense your presence in the midst of my turmoil.
Take my tired body,
my confused mind,
and my restless soul into your arms
and give me rest, simple quiet rest.

Henry J.M. Nouwen
Show Me the Way: Readings for Each Day of Lent

***
P.S.
Today is a special day for someone!
Happy birthday, Cousin dear! :)

hospitality

Then the king will say to those on his right,
‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father.
Inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world.
For I was hungry and you gave me food,
I was thirsty and you gave me drink,
a stranger and you welcomed me,
naked and you clothed me,
ill and you cared for me,
in prison and you visited me.’ ...
‘Amen, I say to you, whatever you did
for one of these least brothers of mine, you did for me.’
Matt. 25: 34-5, 40

I am living in Jakarta, Indonesia. Whenever I am in the car driving somewhere in the city, I see hungry and thirsty people begging for money near the traffic light; some of them are ill. Naked guys with mental illness walk pass my house. I watch and read criminal being sentenced to prison almost daily. Yet I have to admit, sadly, I have never done anything.

The most I have done is giving little fraction of my money to the beggars. That is closer to nothing than something.

Mother Teresa lived this gospel reading to the letters. She fed the hungry, gave drink to the thirsty, clothed the naked, nursed the sick, welcomed the dying to die on her lap.

Should I do the same? Could I? Or would I?

I have heard and read this gospel reading a lot of times, but I have never give it enough importance to be done in my life. I find it difficult, mostly because I have a lot of fears.

Welcoming a stranger to the house is close to impossible to be done. I have watched enough real-life crime to be able to do that. Or maybe I am not poor enough to do that (blessed are the poor in spirit; for theirs is the kingdom of heaven).

But I should be able to do the rest. Yeah, I could do them.

And of course, I would.

away from home

Today is my husband's birthday. We woke up slightly before 4 a.m., ate our breakfast cum birthday noodle at 4:30 a.m., then hubby left to the airport at 5. He had a morning flight to Singapore, two days one night business trip.

Happy birthday, Daddy!

what to give up

Give up complaining
focus on gratitude.
Give up pessimism
become an optimist.
Give up harsh judgments
think kindly thoughts.
Give up worry
trust Divine Providence.
Give up discouragement
be full of hope.
Give up bitterness
turn to forgiveness.
Give up hatred
return good for evil.
Give up negativism
be positive.
Give up anger
be more patient.
Give up pettiness
become mature.
Give up gloom
enjoy the beauty that is all around you.
Give up jealousy
pray for trust.
Give up gossiping
control your tongue.
Give up sin
turn to virtue.
Give up giving up
hang in there!

ash wednesday

Meménto, homo, quia pulvis es, et in púlverem revertéris

Remember, man, that thou art dust, and unto dust thou shalt return

cute cute goddaughter

My goddaughter and her mom just visited me! Oooh, the most awaited event of the month! :)

Rielle is a super cute-cute-smart-smart little girl. I didn't get to see her often, so I was always amazed with her growth every time I saw her. The smartest kid for her age I've met so far! So proud of her. He he he. So proud of her mommy too. :)

And silly me, I forgot to take picture!!!!! I've recharged the camera, prepared it on the table, and forgot to use it altogether in the excitement of meeting them.

If you read this, Rielle's mommy, please remind me to take picture the next time we meet. :)

gong xi fa cai

a painful episode

Someone bit me while I was feeding him! Ouch, ouch, ouch!

My mom told me to pinch his tiny nose when he bit, I did just that, but he bit even harder and pulled away (still biting), resulting a bloody blister that stained my pad.

Not too big blister, but the pain lasted for a good two days. Partly because of the engorgement, then because I fed him again with the still-blistered-bitten breast at night.

I found this inside the medicine cupboard, from Mom's friend on her pilgrimage. I like to use this better than the nursing cream.

Unbelievable as it may seem, this is the culprit:

flood

Jakarta is flooded. Badly.

My in-laws' house is flooded up to an adult's thigh and they spent the almost the whole of Friday in the car trapped in a very bad traffic jam on their way to a relative's house. My father and almost everyone else could not work on Friday. My husband went to work in the morning, but went home shortly after because the water level was rising everywhere.

There were thousands that lost their homes, stranded with wet clothes and no food on the rooftops. Some lost their family members in the flood. Today, most of them started to get sick. Thousands of people also trapped in their houses with no clean water and electricity since Friday. The clean water and electricity were cut off in the flooded area to prevent water pollution and possible short disaster. Today, my sister-in-law and her family moved to stay in a nearby hotel. With two children under three, it was a wise precaution.

These past three days, watching the news about the flood gave me weird kind of feelings. I'm thankful that all of us are alive and healthy, can live well with clean water, electricity, and enough food. I'm horrified and sad knowing about those poor people losing their homes and cars and belongings. My heart's gone to pieces looking at those sick children and babies in the measly shelters. But I'm also slightly glad that my husband is at home and not working.

For precaution, we're staying in my parents' place again. My sister just got an sms tonight, informing that her lab session was canceled and those who has found the required kutu beras (rice flea or rice bug?) for the experiment, should try to keep them alive till next week.

another celebration

Dinand and Jove in the playpen. Dinand is one of Jove's cousin and is four and a half months older. Jove used to be terrified being near him (for reasons unknown), but not anymore! Everyone is having mixed feelings about them growing up (learning to grab, walk, run around, throw things... you get the idea), together with Dinand's three year old brother, they are capable of doing great (read:horrible) things in the house.


Anyway, here's a super yummy chocolate cake for Papi, my dear father-in-law. He turned 58 today and a very proud grandfather of his three grandsons!


Happy birthday Papi. We love you!

bald, again

I shaved Jove's head bald again.

At first, it was just uneven hair at the back of his head. Then I saw the razor... and had an urgent desire to shave his head.

where's the baby?

Jove loves to stand up (with support) nowadays.

another rainy night

It's raining outside now. I love it when it rains (especially if I'm safely inside my room, reading).

Have been reading my old books, and want to share this:

"... God spoiled humans a bit, because He created far too much at the same time. He created so many strage things to look at that many people don't see God. But that's how He managed to hide Himself too. He wouldn't have been able to do that if only four people, three trees, two sheep, and eight camels existed in the whole of creation. If only one fish could be found in the sea, people would probably have noticed how perfect it was. And then they might have started asking who had made it." - Jostein Gaarder (The Christmas Mystery)

there is none like you

There is none like You
No one else can touch my heart like You do
I could search for all eternity long
And find there is none like You

Your mercy flows like a river wide
And healing comes from Your hands
Suffering children are safe in Your arms
There is none like You

keep waking... keep waking...

These two weeks, Jove always take about two hours from his sleepy state to sleeping. He looks sleepy, he gets cranky, he yawns many time, he just won’t go to sleep. He’ll play with the bolsters and the pillows, with the pacifier, turn around, turn to his tummy and back, wail when we stop giving him attention… We try different ways each night to help him sleep, not because we are too creative, but because the previous tricks just don't work today.

Tonight, we put Jove in between us and we pretended to sleep. Hubby soon fell asleep for real. At first, Jove played with the bolster, then with daddy’s nose. Sensing that daddy ignored him, he started pulling daddy’s hair, harder and harder with each pull until his dad could not stand it any more. Seeing that, the little guy actually laughed!

Anyway, then the sleepy daddy went back to sleep, and I continued my acting. Jove finally fell asleep in about 15 minutes... and I can go back online peacefully.

happiness

These days happines is...

looking at the widest toothless smile
hugging a chubby little body
sleeping next to an angel

the way he sleeps

the scary beginning

Two weeks ago, I watched An Inconvenient Truth. Shortly after, as if helping the movie to dug its message deeper into my head, the rain stopped falling and the sun started to bake the world. The last time I checked, it was 32 degree Celsius. My father-in-law told me the report in the news said that the temperature has hit 35 degree.

Last night, there was a blackout in the area. The darkness was nothing compared to the heat we had to endure with no air conditioner. It took us more than an hour of fanning, back-patting, and periodically breastfeeding the baby to get him to sleep. He was sweating and could not fall asleep. Thankfully, the electricity turned on at eleven p.m. and the baby fell into deep slumber with the cool air blowing from the air conditioner.

It was pretty scary to observe the weather these days. What have we done to our world?

On the first day of the new year, an airplane went missing with its 96 passengers and six crews. Two days before, a motor vessel with 504 passengers and 63 crews. Search and rescue of those two tragedies are still going on until now. Bad weather was the reason for both tragedies.

Nature has gone mad. We are at fault for exploiting it without mercy.

I hope we can still do something to save the world. I could not imagine what kind of world will my little Jove and his children (and grandchildren) live in.

the little swimmer

Little Jove loves swimming. He just got the swimming suit from my beloved cousin and we had a blast at the pool.

Fifth time swimming, he smiled for the second time in the pool. We even tried sliding down the slide in the kiddy pool, Jove cried two seconds after we splashed into the pool. But after a hug with a pat-pat on the back, he quickly stopped and continued to enjoy the water.

Planning to swim weekly now.

jove and the colorful cow

visit to the pediatrician

Third Hepatitis B vaccination today. Jove is 9.5 kg, 69 cm, no lag in physical development, and healthy. The pediatrician joked that people could break their back just by carrying my baby. He also wondered if his needle could enter the chubby thigh.

As always, Jove is the only baby exclusively breastfed among the babies in the waiting room. This far, after about seven visits to the pediatrician, several meetings with mothers at the shopping malls, parks, or restaurants, I've only met two other mother who gave exclusive breastmilk to their babies.

A rainbow for mom

On our way to my parents’ house this morning, we saw that beautiful seven-colored arc on the sky. The rising sun spread his pale gold rays through the soft clouds in the east and the sky was painted with lumps of golden clouds in the pale blue background. Rain drizzled softly on our side.

I told my husband, this was God’s birthday gift for our wonderful mom.

Happy birthday, Mama.

God’s miracle

Jove just had his first blended-boiled-potato-carrot meal; I put him down in the middle of the bed then left the room to clear up the potato-carrot stained dishes and high chair. Three minutes later, when I entered the room, the bed was empty. No baby on the bed.

No baby on the bed!

I was frozen for a split second, too scared to move. Horrible images played in my head.

When I left him, Jove was playing with his multi-colored cow in the middle of the bed, barricaded by four adult-sized bolster and pillows on each side of the bed, plus one body-mate (170cm bolster) at one side. Now, one of the bolster was missing (the one at the far side of the bed) and there was no baby.

If the baby fell down, knocked the cold hard floor or the hard wood of the bed frame, he should have cried. My baby’s cry could be heard from blocks away, I should have heard it from the living room. If he did not cry or make any sound, could he have fainted?

I ran to find him.

I found the baby lying on his tummy, with his chest and hands on the bolster, looking around at his new surrounding. He loves to look around, especially in new places. It was his first time on the floor between the bed and his crib, he had fun. I called his name and he looked up at me, and to my relief, smiled.

I quickly took him and hugged him tight, then remembering something, sat him down to check for bruises or open wounds or scratches, well, any sign of injury.

I found none.

Then I tickled him. He laughed his belly laugh. I laughed along, nervously. We played peek-a-boo and I tickled him again. His laughter quickly washed my fears away.

I thank my Lord. For I could not understand how could he went from the bed to the floor safely. He could not even crawl or sit up by himself yet. He could have shifted from the middle of the bed to the side… but to go down to the floor safely to the position I found him in, impossible, at least from my frail human mind’s point of view.

Maybe He taught my son how to fly down safely when He saw him on the verge of falling down.

I learned my lesson and renewed my faith.

One day, Lord please show me the event. I’m really curious on how he got there.

sneaky mom busted

The little guy wailed. He has tried to go to sleep for almost an hour to no avail. Frustrated, he sought the Ultimate Way to Sleep, latching on my breast.

I nursed him for a few minutes, and then I took a magazine and read. The little guy sensed that I was doing something else when I flipped a page. He turned, looked at the magazine, looked at me, then continued sucking.

After a while, the rhythm of the sucking became slower, and slower, and slower, then stopped altogether. I took a pacifier and quietly replaced my nipple with it.

He shifted. I stroked his head, patted his tiny butt, hoped he would settle back to sleep. No, he didn’t.

He dropped the pacifier. Opened his eyes big, looked at me in the eye for a few seconds, then his eyes started brimming with tears. He wailed as if I have betrayed his trust by taking out my nipple and shoving a pacifier in. The sneaky mom felt a pang of guilt instantly. You couldn’t helped feeling very guilty with that sad innocent tear streaked face looking at you like that.

When I placed the tip of my breast back into his mouth, he didn’t suck at it quickly as he always did. He looked at me with his teary eyes while slowly latching to my breast, then he stopped latching and while looking at me, wailed again. I said sorry a few times, kissed and hugged him, promised that this time I would wait until he let go by himself. Only then he stopped looking at me, started latching and happily nursing while drifting to sleep.

Never underestimate a six-month old baby.

a christmas blessing

Grandma was on her bed when we got there, smiling. We rushed in and took turns showering her and grandpa with kisses. It felt so good to finally see them again, especially now. Little Jove, surprisingly cheerful after a 12-hour journey, laughed a lot and delighted the great grandparents. A wonderful Christmas day we had.

The next four days were spent remembering and creating warm memories with dearest grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles. Wishing we can have more of those moments this year.

puncak old and new

We spent the old and new in Puncak, a cool mountain-side resort town in Bogor, near Jakarta. Stayed in the private villa of my father-in-law's youngest brother.

Colorful flowers, clean cold air, fresh green vegetables, a lot of food, yummy fruits, and 180 degree view of spectacular fireworks filled our two days and a night stay there.

end of a holiday, a new year

The rain is falling softly outside. My baby and husband are sleeping soundly next to me. It's almost two a.m. and I should have been sleeping. I couldn't.

We just went back from our string of trips (that started on Christmas day) and I have not done my quiet time for this New Year. So here I am in the cold wee hours of the morning, tip-tapping on the notebook.

New Year always brings new hope for me to be a better person. My husband deserves a better wife and my son needs a better mom. Those would be the top priorities for my New Year's resolutions.

Lord, be with me as I walk through this year. Please hold me close and never let me go. I need you.