the end of an era

the cold breeze is blowing into my face from the opened window. it rained this morning, and it is still windy and cold outside. this will be my last morning living in this city; at least for this year, for one will never know what will happen next year.

i used to look forward impatiently for today a few months ago, then i dreaded this day for the last one month. i didn't know if i can face all the good-byes, all the packing and the moving out, and especially, all the changes. but the last one week has gone well. i have said my good-byes, packed, moved the things out, and now i am ready to go home.

growing up is a scary business, i would say. i could no longer depend on 'the adults' on a lot of things, i am 'the adult' now, and i need to be able to stand on my own, make big decision on my own, and live with the consequences on my own.

today, i am leaving my single life in this city; a life that started in june 1999, a life that has brought me so many marvelous people whom became my best friends, a life that gave me my other half, a life that changed me into a woman... a life that has made me so rich with memories, friendships and love.

i am having mixed feelings, really. i am sad leaving all these, the friends i love, the wonderful colleagues , the fine city, my weeks old god-child, and the places i grew to love. i am also happy to move in with my family again, with the parents and the little sisters. i am joyful for being able to stay close to my other half. he reminded me that changes is indeed scary, but at least i don't have to go through it alone from now on.

life is beautiful, i would say with conviction now. it is beautiful, not only because all the happy events, but because the combinations of all sorts of moments put into one tapestry of life in a intricate way.

this year i have experienced being engaged, going on mri scan, being told that i have a tumor, resigning, carrying a newborn girl, buying a christening gown for her, saying lots of farewells, moving out, and a lot of other moments. they brought tears, joy, hapiness, sadness, a stab of pain, fear, and unexplained feelings. they brought love and comforts from the friends. they brought me to experience life.

and the next time i write will be from another city. another life.