it should be green

Jovan was accidentally looking at the computer's monitor and saw his drawing that I digitally colored.


"Ma, it's wrong. It's not red. It should be green," he protested.

"Oh, sorry, I thought those are mushrooms." I replied.

"No. Those are trees. Trees that are seen from far."

(Nggak Ma, itu pohon. Pohonnya jauh, jadi kecil.)

Wow. I never think that he knows perspective already!

three

Dear Jove,

As I held your hand to sleep tonight, I prayed to God, "Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you..."

Thank you for all the moments, all the tears, all the joy, all the lessons, all the pain, all the smiles... well, basically, THANK YOU for blessing me with this grace of being your mother for these three years (and nine months).

I still can't believe that you have turned three. I still can't believe that I hardly ever carried you again during the day (you used to stick on me like a limb) and I have not nursed to you sleep for a year now (you used be an extension of my breast at night).

Do you still remember the days when I wished you would start talking? Or the days when I urged you to let go of my hands to walk by yourself? Now you talked nonstop during your waking time. Jumping and running and climbing and sliding down and riding your truck and jumping some more... nonstop too.

I should stop expecting things from you and should really savor the moments we shared together more intensely. You are no longer my toddler, darling boy. You are growing up (sometimes too fast for my liking) to be a man.

This past week, you have decided to spend your nights sleeping in your grandparent's house against our will. Your Papa was sad and devastated. He always missed you and always always always wanted to sleep with you at night (no matter how many nights you have kept him awake with his droopy sleepy eyes to read you just five more story books). I told him, you were just sleeping five minutes away from home in the embrace of his loving aunt... How would we feel when you decide to go abroad for your study? How would we feel when you find your girl, marry her, and live somewhere far from us? Honestly, your father and I had no answer for that.

We are just glad and thankful that you relented and slept with us yesterday... and today... and hopefully tomorrow (and for the rest of your life, hehehe).

Thank you for being such a sweet wonderful smart cheerful boy these three years. We LOVE you.

Papa & Mama

communication and trust

It was a nice Saturday afternoon, the weather was good. The sun, the not-so-cloudy blue sky, the coolness of the wind after the rain. Hubby drove around while I sat in the back seat with Kay on my breast and Jove slept, his head nestled on the pillow next to me, just touching his sister's head.

That was when we finally talked. The heart-to-heart kind. The discussion kind. It was a first for a really long time.

These days, we usually just exchanged one or two liners or short stories on the kids activities. A lot of frustrating arguments about the kids and other stuff in life. Jove was doing a lot of mischief and refusing to nap lately. Kay woke up longer during the day. Staying alone with both of them in the house was quite a challenge for an unorganized mother with little home management skill like me. Tired hubby came home from work with an expectation to play with the kids, but a tired wife welcomed him with a lot of additional chores (please help me clean this and that) and complaints. Both of our exhausted spirit combined were still much too lower to match Jove's battery power who could last past midnight. So by the time Jove slept, both of us were usually asleep too. No time to really talk.

I searched and read a lot about parenting stuff online, when I could. I tried this and that method in getting Jove to sleep, I talked about this and that method to hubby when asking him to help Jove to sleep. That frustrated me. And irritated him. Hubby is a practical kind of person who rarely read.

So today when we finally talk, it was great to find out that in the end both of us agreed on the same 'method' to handle this active child of ours (and his sister). I told him what I've read (especially the emails from an amazing woman) and he said he never cared of methods, or whatever name I used, that was the way he wanted all along.

The journey is still long for both of us to enjoy and savor. It is great to know that we are in tune with each other in this long journey of parenthood. As I watched my babies slept and my love drove us in the warm light of the setting sun, I felt tremendous happiness and gratitude for everything that made this moment happened.

aunt jen's visit

This Sunday, we met our friend from NTU, Singapore. Jove called her Aunty Jenny.

We started early, with Jove still sleeping, and drove to Ritz-Carlton to pick Aunty Jenny. Jove awakened when we reached the hotel. I told him that Aunty Jenny only spoke English, so he has to greet her in English.

When Jenny went into the car, he did not greet her, but introducing her to Buzz Lightyear plastic toy that he had.

"This is Buzz Lightyear!" (pointing the toy at Aunt Jen)
"To infinity and beyoooooond!" (Buzz flew around)

We went to Church of St. Theresia for the English Sunday Mass, then for delicious mpek-mpek lunch (where Jove got acquintanced with a few kids). Then we followed Aunty Jenny to her room and had some tea and fun chat in her really cool hotel room.

Jove could answer some simple questions and he was not shy in trying to communicate. Children, even though they have not mastered the language, have better communication skills than adults, I think. The best skills are their sincerety and total curiousity. Oh, and their innocence and their smile too!

I've really nothing to worry for his socialization skill.

Thank you Aunty Jenny for the sweets and heaps of good time! :D

she loves picture books!

While Jove were away with his grandma (due to his recurring cough), I had more one-to-one time with baby Kay. I read her The Very Hungry Caterpillar three times today. She loved it. She stopped fidgeting and paid close attention to the book from start to finish.

I remembered that Jove used to be like that too, I just could not recall whether he did it when he was this young.

It is good if the children love to read, isn't it? Then they can spend a few hours on their own being immersed in another world, and the mother can have sometime to do her own stuff. Ha ha.

I'm sorry, Sis!

Jovan was pretty cranky yesterday afternoon. He kept on asking me to carry him while I was holding his sister.

After sometime, I relented. That boy needed some good hugs.

I put the sister on the bed and carried him. Not long after, his sister started to cry! But big brother still did not want to go down. He looked at her crying and he asked me to ask one of the aunts to carry her. I told him there were no aunts around now. Only the three of us.

Then he said, "I want to go down now." He looked pretty sad. I put him down on the bed, and joined in to feed Kay. Jove started stroking his sister's arm, kissing her little fist, looking at her lovingly.

Then he said slowly, "I'm sorry, Sis."

"Why did you say sorry?" I asked him.

"Because I cried," he answered. ("Soalnya koko nangis", katanya.)

He slept while holding her hand. And I don't think I can put my feelings into words...

little miss kay

We took much less photos of our little lady than of her brother. The woes of being the second child. And we did not write down her developments as often either...

According to my notes, she has started sleeping well at night since the first week of February. Only waking up for feeding... oh well, not really waking up too, she just searches for my breast and contently drinks while sleeping. Since we co-sleep, breastfeeding at night is very easy for me too. Most of the time, I couldn't even remember whether I breastfed her at night.

This little girl has a preference to be carried upright and has a neck strength that amazed the grandmas. She started smiling when being talked to when she turned two month.

Unlike her brother, Kay threw up a lot during her first two months. Most of the time because of overfeeding (she continuously wanted to suck even after being full). But since she is plumping up alright, I am not too worried. She only threw up when she was coughing now (still sick, poor baby).

These few days, Kay has enjoyed her tummy time so much. Sometimes she asked for it! She would whimper or cry a bit and stopped when I placed her on her tummy. She even smiled after that. Soon, I won't be able to leave her alone on the bed!

Health update: Jove has recovered but Kay was still coughing.

making jelly

Today is Papa's birthday. We made jelly in the morning. Jove mixed the jelly powder with sugar and he also stirred the liquid once in a while. I poured a thin layer of the liquid on a flat plate, waited for a while, then shoved it into the freezer. Two minutes later, voila, a cold jelly flab for Jove to observe, play, and eat.

Papa can eat the jelly when he came back later. Happy birthday, Pa!

the labor

Kay was born in a nearby hospital, less than five minutes drive from home. We took our own sweet time to go there, no rushing. Yen went with us, armed with a laptop full of soothing music to accompany my labor. I read Hypnobirthing: the Mongan Method prior to this labor, I did some of the exercises (not diligently), and thought that I have more or less prepared it.

We went into the delivery room at about 9 pm. My two sisters, Yen and Lan, were with us. I was strapped to the monitoring device for 30 minutes. Yen spent the time pleading to be allowed to see the labor process. When the doctor came to see me, she asked for his permission to be present during labor. The doc allowed her. Lucky gal!

I was doing good. I could still maintain my self control until about 11 pm. Then the nurse checked and said that I have not advanced much and advised to break my water. I nervously agreed.

Big mistake.

The contractions after the water broke was a lot more painful. I lost my self control and squirmed in pain with every contraction. The nurses and the doctor hold me, told me to be calm, and I wailed. They asked me not to lift up my butt and to stop squirming for so many times. Thirty minutes later, with two or three pushes, Kayla was born at 11:18 pm. Thank God that was quite fast.

I breastfed Kay soon after (while being painfully stitched) . My two sisters and husband hovered around the baby, taking photos. My sisters even carried the baby (and took photos) for a while before she was put inside the incubator to keep her warm. I had to wait for a while before I could go up to the room. Ling came with french fries from a nearby McD and the troops chatted while gobbling up the fries and accompany me in my waiting time.

Kay slept with me in the room that night. During the stay in the hospital, she drank two bottles of formula with my permission. *sigh* Jovan did not drink a drop of formula ever and I never ever expected that my second time would be harder. Kay kept on crying even after I have switched her to feed from one breast to the other several times until my nipples felt so sore. The nurse then offered to take her to give her some more drink from the bottle and the tired me agreed. Kay slept peacefully for a few hours after that, giving me time to rest and refill my tanks. I still have mixed feelings about that, though. Between being thankful of the rest and wondering if anything else could be done without involving the formula. Maybe I should just stick with being thankful. :)

get well soon, pleeease!

Jove has been sick for about a week now. Cough and cold. He had stayed at my mother's to prevent baby Kay catching the bug.

Then, Daddy got sick three days ago. So baby Kay and I moved to stay at my mother's.

Jovan has started to get better now after taking the medicine prescribed by doctor grandpa.

Yesterday, the two-month old baby Kay got the coughing and the sneezing as well! My heart is just broken looking at her gagging with phlegm and trying to wipe her runny nose after a sneeze. She has vomited milk four times in these two days.

The weather has been crazy with alternating hot sun and heavy rain in a day. We're on our way to recovery, or so I prayed.

learning or competing?

Tulisan dibawah ini diambil dari Lifesigns: Intimacy, Fecundicity, and Ecstasy in Christian Perspective by Henri J.M. Nouwen.

"My own experience is limited to universities. One of the saddest aspect of the lives of many students is that they always feel pressured. The irony is that those who have the luxury of spending time reading the great books of our culture and exploring the intricate beauty of creation find themselves always fighting deadlines. Students complain about the number of pages they have to read or write, and anxiously wonder how they will finish their many assignments on time.

The word "school", which comes from "schola" (meaning: free time), reminds us that schools were originally meant to interrupt a busy existence and create some space to contemplate the mysteries of life. Today they have become the arena for a hectic race to accomplish as much as possible, and to acquire in a short period the necessary tools to survive the great battle of human life. Books written to be savored slowly are read hastily to fulfill a requirement, paintings made to be seen with a contemplative eye are taken in as part of a necessary art appreciation course, and music composed to be enjoyed at leisure is listened to in order to identify a period or style. Thus, colleges and universities meant to be places for quiet learning have become places of fierce competition, in which the rewards go to those who produce the most and the best."

Tulisan tersebut tidak ditulis dalam konteks homeschooling, tetapi sangat tepat mengekspresikan perasaanku ketika belajar di sekolah dulu. Sekolah menjadi tempat untuk mendapat setumpuk PR, membuat tugas, mengerjakan soal-soal ujian, dan berbagai kegiatan lain yang akan ditukar dengan kumpulan angka dalam buku rapor. Yang paling parah, kumpulan angka itu akan menentukan peringkatku diantara teman-teman sekelas. Tidak mau menjadi yang terbelakang otomatis menjadi alasan untuk belajar, terlebih ada iming-iming hadiah jika menjadi yang nomor satu. Apakah itu cara untuk melengkapi diriku dengan perlengkapan untuk hidup dalam masyarakat? Apakah hidup ini sebuah kompetisi?

Aku hanya berharap anak-anak dapat membaca buku, bermain, belajar, dan mengeksplorasi kehidupan sesuka hati mereka tanpa harus dipusingkan dengan nilai atau peringkat di kelas.

Belajar seharusnya menjadi hak mereka, bukan kewajiban.

Landak

Jovan sangat suka dibacakan buku. Dari milis sekolah rumah, kami mendapatkan site Tumblebooks, animated picture books online. Dengan adanya site ini, Jovan bisa duduk manis di depan komputer untuk mendengarkan dan membaca buku sendiri (mamanya bisa kabur sejenak, hehe). Nah, beberapa hari yang lalu dia memilih buku Porcupining: A Prickly Love Story oleh Lisa Wheeler.

Selama ini saya pikir porcupine dan hedgehog adalah binatang yang sama, yaitu landak. Eh, di cerita itu, gambarnya kok beda?

Ternyata setelah saya check di Wikipedia, porcupine dan hedgehog adalah dua jenis binatang yang berbeda, bahkan tidak bersaudara. Malahan ada satu jenis binatang lagi yang mirip yaitu Echidna.

Dan ternyata, dalam Bahasa Indonesia, hedgehog dinamakan landak susu. Sementara yang disebut landak adalah porcupine.

Thank God for Google and Wikipedia!

*pic is taken from Wikipedia

full fun day

Once in a while, I had a very productive day which enabled me to create some play things for Jove. Yesterday was one of such days.

We had fun playing the salt dough (1 cup salt, 2 cups flour, water as needed) on the sofa.

Then while Jove took his nap, I managed to make this felt story board. Have been planning to make this since forever, never started till yesterday.

I put this on the bed and let Jove played with it by himself. He was quiet for sometime... I was starting to feel happy that he liked what I've made. When I checked, he was busy stuffing those felt figures down the little space between the wall and the bed. Now some of them still lie down there since it was difficult to shift the bed.

Oh dear...

belajar mengatur waktu

Dengan tambahan satu anak lagi, semakin banyak pekerjaan yang harus dilakukan padahal jumlah jam dalam sehari tetap sama. Aku selalu kewalahan dalam mengatur waktu, menyeimbangkan kewajiban mengurus rumah, bermain dengan anak-anak, hobby, dan aktivitas-aktivitas lain... Fuh!

Bagaimana supaya bisa lebih efektif ya?