parenting

parenting is a path of maturation and growth if we dare to learn more and teach less.
-naomi aldort in her book, raising our children, raising ourselves

communication and trust

It was a nice Saturday afternoon, the weather was good. The sun, the not-so-cloudy blue sky, the coolness of the wind after the rain. Hubby drove around while I sat in the back seat with Kay on my breast and Jove slept, his head nestled on the pillow next to me, just touching his sister's head.

That was when we finally talked. The heart-to-heart kind. The discussion kind. It was a first for a really long time.

These days, we usually just exchanged one or two liners or short stories on the kids activities. A lot of frustrating arguments about the kids and other stuff in life. Jove was doing a lot of mischief and refusing to nap lately. Kay woke up longer during the day. Staying alone with both of them in the house was quite a challenge for an unorganized mother with little home management skill like me. Tired hubby came home from work with an expectation to play with the kids, but a tired wife welcomed him with a lot of additional chores (please help me clean this and that) and complaints. Both of our exhausted spirit combined were still much too lower to match Jove's battery power who could last past midnight. So by the time Jove slept, both of us were usually asleep too. No time to really talk.

I searched and read a lot about parenting stuff online, when I could. I tried this and that method in getting Jove to sleep, I talked about this and that method to hubby when asking him to help Jove to sleep. That frustrated me. And irritated him. Hubby is a practical kind of person who rarely read.

So today when we finally talk, it was great to find out that in the end both of us agreed on the same 'method' to handle this active child of ours (and his sister). I told him what I've read (especially the emails from an amazing woman) and he said he never cared of methods, or whatever name I used, that was the way he wanted all along.

The journey is still long for both of us to enjoy and savor. It is great to know that we are in tune with each other in this long journey of parenthood. As I watched my babies slept and my love drove us in the warm light of the setting sun, I felt tremendous happiness and gratitude for everything that made this moment happened.

belajar mengatur waktu

Dengan tambahan satu anak lagi, semakin banyak pekerjaan yang harus dilakukan padahal jumlah jam dalam sehari tetap sama. Aku selalu kewalahan dalam mengatur waktu, menyeimbangkan kewajiban mengurus rumah, bermain dengan anak-anak, hobby, dan aktivitas-aktivitas lain... Fuh!

Bagaimana supaya bisa lebih efektif ya?

the missing ears

Lately, Jovan often "lost" his ears.

This morning, when I was doing something I couldn't leave, I noticed Jovan was plucking tissues out of the box. He plucked a sheet, threw it on the floor, plucked another one, threw it on the floor, on and on like that till a heap of tissues (about a quarter of the box) was piled next to his feet. I asked him nicely to stop doing that, and he kept doing what he was doing without even glancing at me. He did not hear my voice even when I have started shouting.

He only stopped when I picked him physically, put him to stand near the wall for time-out while I picked the tissues on the floor. Looking at him standing quietly with innocent face, I couldn't get angry for long...

But yeah, that and other similar incidents have made me scrambling to find out the best (and working) method to discipline him nicely.

So far... no luck yet. Any advice? :)

two!

Dear Jovan,

Happy second birthday, Son! I could not believe that two years have gone by since that miraculous moment when you were born.

You woke up counting one to ten while slowly smiling and opening up your eyes yesterday. Then you asked for a strawberry milk. You are a wonderful talker, even I am amazed and often confused on when did you learn to say those sentences. It seemed so easy for you to repeat new words and understand their meanings. Jove dear, our days have become so much more colorful with your jokes, stories, and remarks.

At two, you are still very much fascinated by vehicles. When we passed a cool red Ford pick-up, your eyes widened and you asked me to go nearer to the car. A glimpse to the newspaper that I was reading and you pointed to the small little picture of a car advertisement. You cried with glee and exclaimed that you like it ("Qiang-qiang seneng!!!") when you opened a set of vehicle board books. You spend minutes poring over the pictures of trucks, tractors, helicopter, racing cars, and others. Even in the plant shop that we visited yesterday, you pointed out the wheel in the small wagon that we saw. Having no brother and close nephew, I am truly fascinated by your fascination! :)

Every single day, since you knew that I was pregnant, you never missed cuddling my bulging tummy to greet your baby brother/sister. All of us are amazed by this gesture. You'll be a sweet brother, everyone says.

But for a week or so, you've been very stubborn in doing things your way and you had your tantrums when we did not comply. Gosh! Are you entering your terrible two phase, darling boy? Let's hope the phase will not last long. :)

I don't know what the future will bring to both of us. But I am sure that you will continue to bring your joy and your love to your family and to everyone you're in touch with.

I love you. I love you. I love you.

Mama

on having children

I currently re-read Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom. If you have not read it, go and find one. It's a good book about life's greatest lesson. Anyway, I stumbled upon this today:

"Whenever people ask me about having children or not having children, I never tell them what to do," Morrie said now, looking at a photo of his oldest son. "I simply say, 'There is no experience like having children.' That's all. There is no substitute for it. You cannot do it with a friend. You cannot do it with a lover. If you want the experience of having complete responsibility for another human being, and to learn how to love and bond in the deepest way, then you should have children."

From chapter: The Fifth Tuesday - We Talk About Family

The first time I read this book was long ago in my university days, I was not a parent yet. Now that I am one, I am touched in a new way by this chapter on family.

Being parent is indeed a special experience. Morrie put it fittingly in those lines.

moving out

I have been staying for more than four months in my parents' house (since I was about eight and a half months pregnant). It has been fun caring a new baby with very excited (and very helpful) grandparents and three aunts. Kind of sad moving out and staying back in our own home, just the three of us with the maid. Now it's only me and the baby in the afternoons when the daddy is working and the maid is doing the house chores. Sepi deh.

My mom, the dearest grandma, actually cried last night, when we were about to go home. She would be alone in the afternoons now, no more cheerful squeals and smiley chubby baby.

I wondered how my grandma, Emak, felt when we moved to Jakarta in 1990. The four of us grandchildren had been staying with Emak and Kung-kung for as long as we remembered. We left the two of them alone in their house in Semarang when we moved. I did not remembered if she cried, just like my mom did yesterday, on the day we started our journey to the capital city. But she must have felt the hardest change by then. Two children and four noisy grandchildren left the house at the same time, 10 hours car drive from them. Sepi banget deh.

Mama said that in our early years in Jakarta, whenever she (or Papa) scolded or punished us for our mistakes, we would call for our grandparents (teriak-teriak Kung-kung! Emak! keras-keras gitu). When it was the time to go back to Jakarta after a month holiday in Semarang, or after a brief visit somewhere in the year, all of us would cry in the car. One time, I remembered, Mama started to cry with us too when our car left their driveway.

God, for Mama who's alone at home now, for Emak in the hospital and Kung-kung at home in Semarang, please bless them and take a good care of them.

One day, I know, there will be a time when little Jove will grow up and left the house too... by then, I hope I can have enough courage and strength to handle the situation. C'est la vie.

riding a breast

It took about a month for my nipples to enjoy breastfeeding. Jove took half of that time to be an expert in latching on.

I once read that breastfeeding was like learning to ride a bike. Difficult and painful at first but eventually it became a second nature once you got it.

How true.

First days – The new beginning

Dearest Son,

You started your journey in the world in the early hours on Monday. After the labor, both of us were brought into our room at about four or five a.m. then Daddy and the cheering squad (grandparents and aunts) went home. In the stillness of the morning, I thanked God profusely while looking at you sleeping peacefully in the small plastic cot next to my bed. I fell in love. Deeply.

You cried a few times before the sun rises, after a while, a nurse came to take you to the baby room. She would take care of you while I took my much needed rest. I slept for about twenty minutes or so then Daddy woke me up. He came at about 6 pm, dropping by on his way to the office. Feeling tired and very sleepy, he slept for a while on the chair.

Then just before he went to the office, we took you out from the baby room. The three of us spent our first sweet minutes alone together as a family in the hospital room.The first day, we had a stream of visitors coming in. Two of your aunts stayed with me in the hospital that day, taking care of you while I slept. I spent the exciting day still in haze and disbelief that the little bundle we had waited for so long had finally come out!

Your dad stayed in the hospital for the first night. He slept uncomfortably sitting on the single seated couch. When I nursed you at three in the morning, I asked him to sleep on my bed while I nursed you on the couch. He agreed and slept for a good two hours! After putting you back on your plastic cot near the bed, I took pictures of the two very special guys in my life sleeping.
You went home on Wednesday, in your grandfather's car, together with your grandparents and aunt Yen. Daddy and I drove behind. I was excited yet very nervous.

Maybe a feeling I shared with all new mothers in the world, uh?

Love you, Son!
Mommy